


Camping Misadventures

by renbaratheon



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-23
Updated: 2012-04-23
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renbaratheon/pseuds/renbaratheon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in the White Walkers AU, Renly Baratheon and Loras Tyrell are halfway through an American roadtrip when things start going awry.  This is not quality, but it is just Renly and Loras being cute together, so I thought I would share.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Camping Misadventures

“How is it possible that there is this much land in the world that is just blank?” Renly grumbled, “It seems like we have been driving all day and we haven’t even seen a town.”

“We have not been driving at all, I have been driving the whole time,” Loras said, not talking his eyes off the road, obviously a little annoyed with Renly’s constant whining. 

“I told you I could drive,” he insisted.

“Right, you said you could drive back in Kansas too, and then we hit a bike rack and the bumper fell off,” Loras lowered his eyes as he glared over at Renly.

“How was I supposed to know the car turns differently when you are sitting on the left side?” Renly asked incredulously, “And besides, I didn’t even hit it that hard. All the damage should be chalked up to shoddy American workmanship, not my driving abilities. I don’t see any bike racks around here anyway. Hell, I don’t see anything at all.”

Loras just looked at him, not saying a word, a smirk playing at his lips after some time. They were coming upon more and more trees as the continued to drive, the monotony of the wheat and cornfields of the plains states being broken up by hills and woodlands. “Believe it or not, we are almost there.” They were about thirty minutes from their destination, a state park in the foothills of Colorado that had campsites available to rent. Loras had planned for them to spend two nights camping and hiking before setting off further into the mountains and on towards Arizona.

Renly was not keen on the idea of actual camping, but Loras seemed so excited about being out in nature. He had planned them a gourmet meal of campfire food, had spent months looking up reviews of the best possible gear, and had read about all the scenic overlooks they could hike up to. Renly found the idea of sleeping on the ground, eating off a paper plate, and going without plumbing to be incomprehensible, but Loras’ enthusiasm was completely enamoring, so he had agreed.

He flipped through the outdoors guidebook Loras had brought along and insisted Renly read as he sat quietly in the passenger seat, trying not to further annoy Loras. He had naturally, not really retained any useful information from the book. He had flipped through it, assuming it was probably all common sense stuff he could figure out as he went. The only parts he had actually bothered to read were the increasingly unlikely disaster control scenarios towards the back, like how to survive an avalanche, or what to do if you find a lone bear cub. Renly found those to be a bit more thrilling than the “how to pitch a tent” chapter.

“This must be it,” Loras said as he pulled into the state park, following signs for the camping area. As they drove past the small beach area that lined an impossibly clear crater lake, rolling hills rising up on the other side of the water, Renly had to admit it was very beautiful. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Stay here, I’m going to go register,” Loras said as he got out of the car, reaching over to give Renly a quick kiss before he did. Renly just nodded, and slowly got out of the vehicle as well, needing to stretch his limbs after the all day drive. He leaned against the car, taking in the surroundings. There weren’t many other people around, probably because it was a Tuesday, and most people saved their camping excursions for the weekend. Renly thought that was probably for the best, less people around to see them singlehandedly reinforce the stereotype that both gays and Europeans were hopeless at wilderness survival. Well, Loras would probably be fine, but as Renly cautiously eyed the outdoor showers, which had a quaint sign warning of the lack of hot water, he knew he was going to have a rough go of it.

Loras returned wavering their camp map, “We are the last campsite on the lake side of the path,” he said, pointing up the road, “They said it’d be easiest if we parked here and carried the supplies in, because the road gets pretty narrow that far back.”

Renly stared at him for a moment, expression blank, he then looked over at all the gear in the back of the car, before returning his gaze once again to Loras. “Are you serious? Carry all of this?” He looked down the road, seeing nothing but trees, no campsites. “How far is that? Like a kilometer? Do you know how heavy that tent is? Really? Must we? Can’t we just try to drive…you’re really good at it, I bet you can do it.”

Loras rolled his eyes, “Come on Renly, it’s not that far and we can take multiple trips. Besides, how long as it been since you’ve been to a gym? You could probably use the work out,” he said, obviously appealing to Renly’s vanity.

Renly stared him down once more, but finally gave in with a huff, as he went to the trunk of the car to retrieve their sleeping bags, tent, and random other supplies, leaving the food he’d been in charge of picking up earlier that morning for Loras. Renly was thankful he’d been able to talk Loras out of thinking they could try to fish for their dinner. The idea of sticking a pole in a huge lake with the hopes of your entrée attaching itself to the end seemed highly improbable to Renly. And then there was the whole process of filleting the fish…no, Renly didn’t like that idea at all. He did not expect he’d be able to enjoy a meal after having seen all of it’s blood and guts. Plus, fish seemed really slimy. He preferred them with chips and vinegar, not with eyeballs.

As soon as the car was empty of all supplies, the two set off down the road, Renly complaining the entire time. After several dropped duffel bags, many professed ‘I can’t go on’s’ and even one ‘I hate you, I’m going back to the car’ they made it to their campsite.

It was pretty simple, a fire pit, a picnic table, and a small clearing among the trees for a tent. Renly tossed what he had in his arms down on the ground and collapsed on the picnic table. The journey had actually not been that bad. It was not very far at all, and once he found a way to properly carry the large load, it wasn’t even that heavy, but once he started making a fuss, he found it hard to stop his over-exaggeration. “So what are we doing first?” He asked cheerfully, hoping to make up for his foul mood on the way over.

“Well, it’s too cold for swimming, and probably too late to start any kind of hike,” Loras said, eyeing Renly once again, “Which wouldn’t have been a problem had we not had to stop for pictures of every ridiculous tourist trap along the way.”

“Oh come on, tell me you could honestly resist finding out what the world’s largest ball of twine was all about?” Renly asked incredulously.

“Well, turns out the title pretty much said it all. It was a large ball of twine. In a field. In the middle of nowhere. And we wasted two hours finding it.”

“Well, now we can tell people we’ve seen the world’s largest ball of twine. It’s a conversation starter. I’m still kind of disappointed we didn’t go to the corn palace. That sounded really interesting,” Renly shot him his signature pout.

“It was well over a thousand mile detour Renly, there is just no way that would have worked. Plus, it seemed ridiculously tacky,” Loras shook his head as he set about laying down the tent. Carefully reading the instructions as he went. “Would you please try to get a fire started so we can cook dinner. By the time that’s done it will be dark anyway, so we can just get an early night and start our adventure right away in the morning.”

“Adventure…yeah, right,” Renly mumbled as he started laying out the food. Loras had told him to pick up an assortment of vegetables to be marinated and grilled in some kind of fancy wok Renly didn’t understand, along with chicken breasts and baked potatoes. He had wanted all of it to be organic and free range, but finding a store that sold that kind of produce had proven difficult in small town middle America, another reason they had gotten a late start.

He set about cutting up the vegetables and preparing the chicken, before realizing he was going to have to start a fire in order to cook any of this food. How hard could it really be? It was a fire, throw a match down on some wood, it’d be easy.

He went over to the small pile of firewood at the edge of the campsite and began throwing it into the fire pit. He then retrieved the cigarette lighter from his pocket and began trying to start the largest log on fire. His finger was starting to hurt from flicking the lighter so many times, and the log was nowhere near catching fire, in fact it was hardly charred. He huffed, and knelt down further, legs still kind of aching from being trapped in a car all day. He tried another log to no avail. Maybe he should have read the chapter on starting fires after all. He was reluctant to ask Loras for help. He had been enough of a nuisance already, and Loras looked busy as he worked on the tent, which was already half erect.

Renly sat down and tried to think of a solution. What started fires? Flipping the switch on his fireplace, action heroes in movies, torches, gasoline. He did not want to walk back to the car, and even if he did, he hadn’t a clue how to siphon gas out of a vehicle. He remembered the bottle he’d had to carry over marked “lighter fluid”…perfect…that had to be the solution.

Renly promptly doused the entire fire pit and tried his lighter once again. Flames erupted, shooting several feet high, sending him reeling back and Loras running out of the tent to see what had happened.

“Renly! What the hell?!” Loras shouted, looking at him on the ground a few feet from the pit, the fire already dying out.

“Sorry…I guess I didn’t need to use that much?” he said, holding up the can and rubbing his arm. He hadn’t been burned at all, but the hair on his right arm was completely singed off. 

Loras just shook his head as he offered him a hand off the ground, “Are you okay?” he asked, as he brushed Renly off.

“Yeah, I’m fine…but this fire is being a bit of a bitch,” Renly said, anger setting in at his inability to do anything correctly. He didn’t want to have Loras come in and save him again. He wanted to be able to cook him a nice meal to make up for his obnoxious mood earlier in the day, but yet again, he had fucked it up by being inadequate. 

“Well, you can’t just pile all the wood into the ring like this, it is called ‘building a fire’ for a reason.” Once Loras was sure Renly hadn’t burnt himself or done any other type of permanent damage, he set about rearranging the wood into a teepee and scraping up spare brush and tearing up the paper bag they’d carried over the food in. He added a small amount of lighter fluid, not even a fraction of the amount Renly had used and lit the paper and brush underneath the neatly piled wood.

Renly watched him, a bit in awe. There is absolutely no way he’d have figured out how to do that on his own. He went over to stand by Loras, taking his hand, “Thank you. I would have never been able to figure that out,” He looked over at him, cupping his chin as he turned to look at him. “Once again, you’ve come to my rescue,” Renly kissed him chastely, “I’m sorry I’ve been terrible all day. You don’t deserve that. It’s hard enough having to put up with my complete uselessness on this whole trip, and then I make it even worse by being in a foul mood.”

Loras contemplated his words for a moment before returning Renly’s embrace, drawing him into his arms, “Don’t use that pout on me, Renly, it’s not fair.” He pulled back to look at him, “Yeah, you’ve been a bit of an ass today, but I still love you.” He kissed Renly on the forehead and set about starting dinner.

Renly felt a bit sheepish. He didn’t deserve someone as forgiving and wonderful as Loras. He set up the tripod, at least that was something he could manage to get right, and placed it over the fire. In no time their meal was ready.

After they had finished eating, they pulled the picnic table over to the fire and sat huddled together watching the flames. Renly had to admit it was a gorgeous night, despite the cold that had set in. The flames danced off the water, and reflected in Loras’ big hazel eyes. It was amazingly romantic. He forgot why he had been complaining about this in the first place. His arm was linked with Loras’ and his head rested on his shoulder. It was a perfect moment. One he would always return to when thinking about this vacation. The crowded, busy cities he preferred were beautiful too, but he was beginning to understand why Loras loved nature so much a little more with each stop they made along the way.

The perfection of the moment was ruined relatively quickly when in quick succession something rustled in the dead leaves behind the tent and a bat swooped down dangerously close to their heads. Renly practically jumped into Loras’ arms, shifting his weight too quickly, too far to the edge of the table, sending it toppling over on top of them. 

“God damn it Renly!” Loras shouted, “It was a bat, completely harmless, why do you constantly overreact?” He was already righting the table, cleaning up all the supplies that had been strewn about, all of their remaining food lying in the dirt. 

Renly just sat on the ground, still a little freaked about what was behind the tent. He’d seen the movies, bears were vicious animals, and he didn’t like them one bit. He realized after awhile Loras was staring at him, he looked up at him.

“Are you just going to sit there? Fine, I’ll clean up your mess, like I always do,” He threw the last of the supplies on the table and stormed into the tent, leaving Renly alone with his thoughts. He’d managed to do it again, ruin a perfectly romantic evening by doing or saying something obnoxious. Deep down he knew Loras was over reacting, but he still felt horrible. 

His eyes followed Loras into the tent. He was getting ready for bed. Renly hated when they went to sleep still mad at each other. It didn’t happen often, but when it completely tore him up. He was staring at the fire, completely lost in thought. His fear of a few moments ago forgotten. Hell, at this point, maybe a bear showing up would break the tension, he’d probably welcome it.

Instead of going to Loras and talking it through he set about trying to prove his usefulness. They’d need to put out the fire. Renly was determined to figure that out. How does one put out a fire? Call the fire department, flip the switch on the fireplace, smother it with a blanket, throw water at it. He didn’t have a bucket for water, so he decided smothering was his best option. He walked down to the waterfront and came back with a handful of sand, after a few trips the fire was out. He felt accomplished and rather pleased with his own resourcefulness. 

Before heading back to the tent, Renly took a moment to stare out over the water. It was a clear night, but without the fire, it was really cold. He hugged himself, his thin jacket not doing enough to keep the chill away. Across the lake he saw a line of neat, identical cottages. They looked too uniform to be individual cabins. They must be rentals he thought, silently wishing they had opted for that instead, it was fucking freezing, and he was still not entirely sure there wasn’t a bear lurking amongst the trees. 

Back in the tent he found Loras asleep on the air mattress, back turned to him. It had been a long day, maybe not for him, but for Loras who had to drive for a good ten hours, certainly. As much as Renly wanted to crawl into his arms, apologize, and kiss it all better, he decided a better gift to him would be to let him sleep. He’d be in a better mood in the morning. Renly would wake up early and show him how eager he was to get out and hike and see nature, and be an attentive and loving boyfriend. 

He pulled his jeans and jacket off and crawled into his sleeping bag next to Loras as quickly as he could…fuck, it was cold. 

Renly laid staring at the nylon seams of the tent for what seemed like an eternity. It was too quiet. He could hear every rustle of leaves, hoot of an owl, croaking of a frog and it was driving him insane. And the temperature seemed to be dropping by the minute. He was sure he was going to wake up having lost at least a couple of toes to frostbite. He wanted to feel Loras’ body next to him. He wanted to be close enough that his breathing drowned out all the worrisome noises outside the tent. He wanted his warmth to drive away the chills. He couldn’t take this anymore.

Renly jumped up, throwing his sleeping bag off, and rolling over to Loras. He worked as quickly as he could to unzip Loras’ bag as well.

Loras’ eyes shot open, obviously unhappy to be awoken with such a start, “What the fuck are you doing Renly? Knock it off, let me sleep” He demanded, tearing his sleeping bag back from Renly.

“Shut up, I can’t take it anymore. I am freezing to death, I’m pretty sure there is a bear outside, and I love you. I really fucking love you, and I’m sorry for whatever I did, so would you please let me zip these together so I can fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up tomorrow and go do nature things with you or whatever so I can prove to you I am not whiny and terrible and that I can make an effort. And did I mention I love you? Also I am freezing.” He quickly finished connecting the too sleeping bags, and jumped inside, huddling close to Loras. He pulled him in to his arms, so that they were facing each other. Loras was smiling at him, a very amused look on his face. “What?” Renly demanded.

“You are adorable,” was all Loras responded with as he too wrapped his arms around Renly, drawing him near. “And you’re right…it is really fucking cold, I’ve been up for the past ten minutes contemplating jumping into your sleeping bag too.”

Renly let out a sigh of relief, finally feeling relief from the cold, and from the horrible cloud of guilt that had been hanging over him since Loras had stormed off. “You know, I think there are cabin rentals on the other side of the lake…we don’t have to do this for another night?” Renly said, giving him a kiss on the cheek, before burrowing his face into the crook of Loras’ neck. 

Loras chuckled, “Maybe…you give me a day of ‘nature things’ tomorrow and I’ll get you a nice warm cabin…with a real bed, as a reward.”

Renly’s eyes lit up, “You’ve got a deal,” he said, planting a trail of soft kisses along his jawline. The prospect of a hot shower, electricity, and a mattress not full of air sending him off into a dreamless sleep. He liked to think that for those kind of luxuries, he’d endure any amount of hiking, but that wasn’t his motivator the next day. It was Loras. It was always Loras.


End file.
